Post 44

Post 44

Here I am after 7 days after last using illicits.. I tried my best tho which ive been calling anxiety and nervousa is really proberly shard withdrawal or side effect that renders a ex user fucked and retarded as like when u don't know if to shit or piss sit or stand move forward or backward or sideways, literally all u can do ive found is lay on ur bed in fewtal position praying for the feeling to stop its like pain with no source or wound or point of pain creation ... I meditated and came to knowledge its a swelled bubble like section in a brain vain that when aggregated or if fear sets in or worry the stretched wall of the brain vain vessel pulseates and send warning signals all over the nervous system which gives the sensation of öh fuck I'm gonna die, something really bads gonna happen.." tho I have found a way to stop it sometimes and that's to opt for an olanzapine apo and valium tho the most important thing u need to reduce the fucked feeling is to have ur feet tickled by a girl (coz I'm a sexist male!) and about twenty plus minutes of feet tickling does alleviate the horrible sensation the anxiety which I call.. its the only way to stop the feeling other than using shard which recalibrates me and stops the bad feeling so I'm in a fucked position, agree?!

Post 44 Part 2

Post 43

Here I am I was told I'll be out soon tho now it's gonna be at least another week. This Friday I meet MST worker and then Wednesday 18th of May 2016 is the family meeting where I'll be told an exact discharge date which could be that week or the next.  I have a mates 30th birthday on Saturday though I'm not sure if I'll be let out for the night to visit and attend I hope I'm allowed though it's a close friend and or rival competitor in the bizo game not really as such.  Anyway I'm waiting for overnight leave again I just want to get out of this place it's been too long. My new case worker is called Phillipa so I wonder if I've met her before or if she's completely new.  Kimberley is overseas at the moment I will be out by the time she gets back. I hope she's ok and nothing's wrong. I am still in secu may 3rd was five months and today it's been an extra week and a day.  I need leave for Saturday night and also that morning.  Sat and Sunday is all I need tho I'd want Saturday to Tuesday which would be better, like it would happen tho.  Though I will attempt to ask tomoz. 

Also I need to go threw all my boxes and find which I'll keep and which I'll sell I don't know which I'll separate accordingly. I'm listening to I won't let u down by hilltop hoods good song. Reminds me of Sarah my ex baby wonder if I'll ever see her again. I hope she has a good life free of problems she was the best girlfriend when I was with her.  I love u still Sarah Joan Davis-Robinson!

Peace Out!
Dande 'n on g

Post 42

Post 42

Back in the Ward from overnight leave and I don't feel too good I feel sick like I'm gonna Chuck.. 

Just was at Kimberley's after being at Doug's joint haveing some Turk's spent the rest of the day at home had about two synth ducks fucked me up proberly a contributor to why I feel crook. 

My parents are away for two weeks and I hope I locked the house up I'm a ducking idiot if I didn't! 

I don't feel too well so I'm gonna leave it there.

P.S. I tryed to contact Sarah just before because I miss her she was a big part of my life I still love her deep down.

Alright signing out DAN D

Post 41 - Anxiety Thursday

Heya
So I get anxiety today at 5:29pm because didn't know where my next smoke is coming from that and I consumed 2,920ml of green V which is almost six times the recommended limit fuck was I fucked that is until I got hold of my ex my friend for life Kimberley who helped me with some ciggys and also one of her personal apoes thank god for her thank u Kimberley u are a god send.  Then when I got back in the ward I had my night meds and prn of zyprexa which that and crossed legged on the bed assisted to me feeling now..  ok..  anyway thought I'd post today that I had anxiety for the first time since last injection the 21st and 22nd I think may be wrong though though it has been two weeks since I had anxiety it's the depot mixing with the v I suspect just hope it's not gonna happen again anytime soon. I must make sure I had constant supply of cigarettes and cut back on the V intake I'm getting fat Az. Anyway enough of that I have a meeting soon for my family and to setup a discharge plan which better mean I'm out soon it's already been 4months don't want it being six/halfayear! Admitted on the 3rd of December 2015 still her today 7th of April 2016 it's been too long I want out already anyway have a good one reader tomorrow is a new day god bless

Ehhhh ketchyah
DANDE

Post 40

Here I am bored shitless and no one is picking up their phones fuck this is annoying at least I don't have anxiety at all since last Tuesday!  That's a win for me!  Dande!

Post 39

here i am bored secu is a shithole i donot want to be here anymore i want to go away from this place go back to my old area where its fun fuck u secu im done with u!

Post 38

Post 38

ive been listening to "brave little toaster - worthless" pritty nogalstic song catchy as, anyway im bored as in the ward might miss out on my next leave because i was late coming back from my hour leave. i miss Kim and i want to see Taylor soon just have to wait till shes ready. There was talks of discharge when i last spoke to the doctors so thats a good sign,and my parents said theyll take me back instead of renting. thats enough information for one post ill catch yous later! Averdeci ekhh ketchyahzz!!